Don't Travel on April Fools Day

So I am going on an air plane on april fools day. i remembe when we were kids, we went to florida sometime in april. on april fools day, my nanny called and when the phone rang, mom picked it up and pretended that it was the travel agent and she made this horrible face and started getting upset and she told us that our flight was cancelled and we couldn't go to florida. we were sooooooo upset. she did a good job on fooling us.

i am supposed to be packing as i am leaving tomorrow morning but i am just putting it off because i hate doing things that i'm supposed to do.



this morninng, a smoke detecter went off accross the hall, three apartments down. this is the fourth time this week that the guy set of his smoke detector. he's an old guy and supposedly this HUGE pervert. like THE pervert of summerside. i'm pretty happy that there is a perverted fucking arsonist living down the hall from me. anyways, troy banged on his door this morning to make sure he didn't set the place on fire and he was just kinda standing there cooking bacon and this pile of smoke comes rolling out the door into the hallway and i hear "ummmm it uh i uh it just won't stop beeping" seriously dude, don't burn bacon four days in a row and NOT learn that you have to wave a cloth in front of the smoke detector and OPEN THE WINDOWS and it's fucking 7 AM!!!!!!!! god.



fuck ok i am going to go pack. bye to anyone that i care about.

Ballet Shoes Don't Have Souls

Isn't that cute?

Know what I hate? when you write a whole bunch of stuff and pictures won't load and blah blah blah and then you say fuck it, i'm posting this without pictures, and then your interent shuts off and you can't post at all. that's what i hate. it happened twice since i last posted.

This passed saturday, I drank more beer than I have drunk in a long long time. You wouldn't believe the things I thought about to post on my blog. For example, I was talking to a friend of mine that just had a baby who was talking about moving. She said she didn't want to live in a one bedroom apartment because she didn't want to share a room with the baby. They shared a womb for 9 months so that was enough. My response was "WOMB??? ROOM??? WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE???!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA" Fortunatly, I think she thought it was funny at the time because she was also drinking a little. I looked for a pen for like an hour so that I could write that down, I thought it was so importantly funny. Another thing I did was made fun of this guy really loudly while he was in the room, and then he came up to me and said "Hey!!! I know you!!!" and I made fun of him to his face. If you knew him, you'd make fun of him too. Seriously. He's a wanker. Ask anyone.

Here is a picture I took whilst drinking more beer than I have ever drunk before.



I thought it was incredibly arty and now I don't. I call it Art Fart. Really though, I liked the lighting in that bathroom, but my oversized old navy purse, I suppose, is not the artiest subject I can think of.

They were playing a silent movie at the same time as the bands were playing at this party thing and it was wierd.



There's your Jill fix for the week.

Objectives are for wankers

i sometimes only want to post because i want to use up a title that i think of, Objectives are for wankers, for example.

i am going on vacation a week from saturday. i hope i don't stab out my eyes out of hatred for my job before then. i bought a quilting magazine today. fuck i'm awesome. i love me. who else loves me???

i need to take some pictures.

On Saturday, I went to mom's for supper after work. After I ate, she asked what I was doing for the evening. I said I was maybe gonig to crystal's. She looked a little bit alarmed and said "maybe you should go home" and I said what for and she just kind of looked at me wierd, and then I figured out that Troy must be there. for those of you that don't know, my boyfriend has been working in BC for the last 6 months and out of that 6 months, I saw him for about 10 days over christmas.
so he's back. so i haven't had time to post in the last few days, because i have been trying to get back into the swing of having a boyfriend and also, i was supposed to super clean the apartment before he got home, but he tricked me and came home early, so I had to super quickly clean yesterday.

i feel a bit guilty for not posting pictures in the last while but i guess i haven't really taken any. so here's a reject from a long time ago.




I am hungry.

Saturday morning, I woke up and looked out the window and there was a guy doing bottle tokes in my parking lot?????? At 8AM??? I had seen the guy before, driving around the parking lot, but I have never seen him parked, smoking up.

pop goes the lady

i went shopping today and i was lucky because i bought something in every place that i went and i spent like $400, which is the most I have EVER spent on clothing/footwear at one time. I've actually probably never spent $400 on clothing in a periode of like three months. I bought three pairs of shoes.

I was listening to the radio last night as I was driving home from work, and I was admiring the way the guest spoke. I wish my grammar was better and that I had intelligent things to say. I wish I sounded more intelligent. I wish I was smarter. There is a girl at work that I like listening to when she talks French. She grew up French, so obviously, her French is better than mine. I like listening to French slang, and I wish I could use it. I don't know how to small-talk in French. I hate it when customers are making French jokes to me and I giggle a little, but don't respond, because I can't speak casually. I want to take a French grammar course. I'm such a loser. I just really like the sounds of French and wish I was better. I noticed a few times today, when I was speaking French, that my accent was suddenly different. I want to master a million languages.

Melissa has been talking lately about writing a book... I guess she's always been talking about writing a book. I have always wanted to write a book, and I think another one of my friends always wanted to write a book. I wonder if most people have a bit of a desire to write a book. There are certain things that I thought of when I was a kid that just always stuck with me. For example, when I was a kid, I expected that I would write a book someday, that I would have twins, and that I was "different". Do all kids want to write a book? And do all kids feel "different"? Like I always felt like I didn't belong, or there was something about me that didn't fit into the normal kid thing. I am curious about whether or not most kids feel that way. Someone told me when i was a kid that twins run in the family... skips a generation... Since then, I thought I would someday have twins. I still think I will.

I wish I had a book of poems by e.e. cummings. when I lived in montreal and went to a cegep, i had to take an english class and we spent a lot of time on poetry, which i mostly found boring, except for e.e. cummings, and ever since, I've looked for some books in used books stores but never found one.

I got the chicken pox when i was a kid, and I also got the chicken pox when I was 19. troy and I both got them. Troy went to the doctor, and the doctor told him that he had antharax. then said "just joking... it's the chicken pox" god, if i was a doctor, i would make that joke all the time. I should email that joke to the writers of House. House would make that joke. So to all you non-believers that think you can't get the chicken pox twice, YOU CAN. and also, the more you get them, the more chance you have of getting shingles, and that is supposedly potentially dangerous. so WATCH IT MUTHA FUCKAS

Send this to a million people and you'll go to heaven

Everyone who gets to my site from links on melissa's site should just link me to their own sits because whatever, when melissa stops blogging, everyone is going to forget about me. all the 29 people that read my blog. but whatever. I'll link you if you link me. do it

Pardon me, but we do NOT allow double negatives in this house.

I am going to complain about something a million people have already complained about. I got an email yesterday that was a poem, written by an adult, I am sure, from the perspective of a little girl that was getting abused by her father. Yes, I agree, child abuse is incredibly sad and horrible. What is also sad is the disgusting writing ability of the author. Way to use a rhyming dictionary. And what is most excruciating is at the bottom, it says this:

"It sickens me to my soul, and if you just read this and don't pass it on I pray for your forgiveness, because you would have to be one heartless person to not be affected by this email. And because you are affected, do something about it!! So all I am asking you to do is take some time to send this on and acknowledge that this stuff does happen, and that people like her dad do live in our society, and pray for child abuse to wither out and die, but also pray for the safety of our ! youth."

I apologize, but NO, I am not affected by your shitty poem, and no, I am not heartless for not passing along this email. Forwards are lame, especially when they are shitty poems. Do not send me forwards unless they are funny jokes. Even then, don't send me very many of them, cause i usually don't read them.



I have a cousin that I hardly know. She lives in another province, so I only see her once every couple of years. A few years back, she came to PEI and stayed with my grandparents for a while. We talked like twice. I gave her my email address. Every day she sends me a million and a half forwards. HOLY FUCK OFF. I remember one day, I seriously got THIRTY some forwards from her. She sent me one in particular that oh my god it makes me angry.... I wish I still had it so I could post it. It is about how we should all hate immigrants and how they shold learn our languages and fuck them for this and fuck them for that, and they had it bad in their countries, so if they want to come here, they should come here and shut the fuck up and not complain about anything. It is sooooo incredibly rude, and I can't believe people would pass it on to others. I really want to write a super awesome rebuttle email to go along with it. My super awesome rebuttle would be about who the fuck are you to say who can and can't live in Canada, and what language they should speak? And who the fuck are you to say that people from certain countries do not have the right to feedom and happiness? AND, if you wanna take a little look in the history books, we are ALL technically Europeans that stormed the country one day and took it over from the indians, and made them learn our languages and said FUCK YOU, you can't be happy either, unless you can somehow find happiness in these reserves we stick you in. Also, we're going to make all these laws that you don't agree with and oh, all of a sudden, you're all poor and drunk because we created money and didn't let you have any and we took away all of your diginity. How's that for being Canadian... Oh, but I guess we do let indians go to university for free.... Oh, but we don't let them have a good primary education, so a lot of them don't get accepted to university. I am sometimes ashamed of myself and my country and my co-caucasians. And my cousin.

Ouch, my life hurts

Know what is a funny joke? Telling someone something really mean like "you are a stupid fat cow bitch and you're the biggest loser I have ever seen and I hope you die" and then say "well... no offence."



Yesterday I felt really tired and unforgivably fat. god sometimes I think i'm super hot and other times i'm super not hot. yesterday i was super not hot. i came home an knitted and I am almost done my granny square blanket. Then I get to move on to my felt shape mobile. or one of my million other projects.

The Be Good Tanyas make me think of sad summer. I have certain albums I listen to when I'm sad- i suppose most people do. I used to listen to August and everything after by the counting crows but i lost that a bunch of years ago. i remmber telling one of my friends that if they notice i am listening to that album, then they will know that I am sad. way to be a lame-o teenager. I remember in like grade 8 or 9, i was sad about something and listen to this sarah maclauchlan song over and over and over like a million times and cried for 5 days, and then every time i heard it after that, i would cry. I can't even remember which song it was.



When people come over to my apartment, I feel super awkward. I feel like i'm supposed to be this wonderful hostess and it's way too much pressure so i get all panicky and show people all the crafts i ever made. my sister was here for the first time the other day, and mom was hear for the second time ever yesterday. wierd. my dad has never been inside any of my apartments. except the one i had in montreal because he moved all my stuff for me. i sometimes feel like he is not pround of me because i didn't go to university and i think he thinks i make a bunch of bad decisions.



I am going to go for a walk.

mama had a baby and her head popped off

several people have asked me in the last few days if i enjoy living alone. mom always asks me if i want to sleep over, and when i said that i didn't she asked if i like in in my apartment, by myself. i really do. i am generally anti social... i dont' have a million friends, and even if i did, i probably wouldn't want to hang out with them. i really want troy to come home, but it is going to be wierd having to re adjust to coming home at the end of the day and not being by myself. And since he hasn't lived here, I have turned it into my apartment, when before, it was his apartment. I am going to have to be less messy and I am going to have to not leave unfinished crafts all over the place.



I like it a lot when people can read my mind. I went to tim hortons with my sister and crystal and jen, and i was saying something about this girl that I think had a baby and so I said "Tina had a baby" and I burst out laughing and I couldn't talk for a sec cause i was laughing so much and thankfully, crystal and jaye both said in unison "AND HER HEAD POPPED OFF!!!" It's good to be on the same page.



I have been feeling really scatterbrained lately and late. I'm always late. I hate being late. And I hate being scatterbrained. And my words have not been coming out of my mouth properly here and there. I hate when I feel uncontrollably untogether or something. It's really windy. I am glad my name is not wendy.

This morning, I woke up and my blankets were all tangled and my body pillow was taking up the whole other side of the bed, and there were clothes all over the floor. Like ALL over the floor. I kind of felt a bit lost in it. If someone had walked in, it probably would have taken a few seconds to know there was a human in there. I felt like smothered or something. I suppose it's time to clean when you feel smothered by the pillows and clothing in your room.

Hey Gorgeous

I have a bad memory these days. I hpe I'm not getting fucking alzheimer's or something. I keep making plans with a million different people -more like two different people because I really don't have that many friends. And I also know I have a million things to do, but as soon as I go to do them, I can't even remember one of them.



oh my god i have nothing to say.

I'm goin through a dry spell guys.

Writers block.

I apologize to all those that are obsessed with me for my recent suckiness.

One thing I just remebered to talk about (WAY TO GO MEMORY!!) is that I like it when people use terms of endearment to me. Not strangers, cause that is super annoying, but, for example, my aunt always calls me Love. I don't know, coming from some people, terms of endearment make me feel special and warm inside. Coming from other people, it makes me want to hit them. haha. awesome. I guess what I mean is when people use terms of endearment and actually mean it. I hate it when strangers call me hun or sweety... it makes me think they're making fun of me. But when it's sincere, I like it.

Thanks for listening.

A Prayer For Owen Meany

I have so many crafts to finish, I don't even know where to start. I don't even care. I want to sleep for a week, I think. I am jsut super bored with my life right now. But that's all about to change, my friends. I'm going 'down south' in a few weeks. I hate when people are like "ooh ahh i am going south" or (and I do say this sometimes and I cringe every time it comes out of my mouth) "I am going to the Dominican." It's the Dominican REPUBLIC guys. I don't know why I hate it so much when people leave out the republic part. I think it makes people sound like they're trying to be pretentious. who TRIES to be pretentious? Another word that makes me think that people are pretentious is BIZARRE... i hate that word and most people that use it.

I had a bad feeling of 'something bad is going down' last night... i hope nothing bad happened.

I was talking to a girl at work about how i always stick up for whoever is being made fun of, or whatever, the underdog. and she says that she makes the underdog go further under. and it just makes me glad that I am me because i would rather be the person that is nice than the person that is the bitch, and i don't understand how people can conciously be a bitch ALL of the time, and enjoy it. I'm happy that I am nice. haha I am such a loser.

It's snowing, but not like a mother fucker.

Oh my god everyone, i got tickets to go see willie nelson and i can't even believe it. WILLIE NELSON. oh my god i am such a loser. seriously though, I always (well, not ALWAYS) thought about how that I really really want to see willie nelson in my lifetime. he is really one of the only people that i like SUPER want to see ans I'll see him soon and then my life will be complete. I hope i don't die right after or something dumb like that.

I just remembered another super cute thing that my cousin josie does. She sits on the floor examining her toes, and then holds up her finger with a little bit of lint on it and exclaims "TOE JAM! DON'T EAT IT!"



Guess who is maybe playing in moncton?? U2. who fucking cares i hate them. Also, Tom Petty and Fleetwood mac oh my god, i am adding them to my list of people i want to see before i die, then i won't die ater i see willie nelson. Fuck i hate U2 and Bonos fucking annoying sunglasses and do-gooding. I hate dave matthews too, while I'm at it.

I have to do dishes. Like a mother fucker.

Into the sea, you and me

Last night was the longest night ever. I really thought that I was going to puke. I had a really bad headache and was kind of dizzy from it, and every time I moved i thought I was gonna puke. I ate at macdonalds for the first time in months and I think that was why. macdonalds is fucking sick. I decided to sleep on the couch last night. I think for some reason, when I'm sick, it's comforting to sleep on the couch. I don't know why. I kept waking up, thinking it was time to get up but it was actually like 3am or 5 am. now it's 7:49am and it's still not time to get up but i say fuck it. this is boring so far.



i had a bunch of things that i wanted to talk about but i can't reamember. one thing is that I wanted to complain about wimpy people. I am a wimp, but people that are wimpier than me, holy fuck it drives me nuts. I hate when people can talk the talk but not walk the walk, people that bitch and moan to you about something and when it's time to actually do something about it, they back out and say 'no, everything is fine'. here's what happened. there is a bunch of shit going down at work about this and that and everyone is pissed and blah blah blah. All of us ladies that sit together have been bitching about it for the last week, so I suggested that we have a meeting or whatever with everyone involved cause everyone is pissed and wants to quit, and then little miss so and so says she doesn't want to be involved cause she's scared to get in trouble. thanks. oh my god i am sick of my blog because i don't feel like i have anything important to say. I start writing and then when i'm done, i hate everything i said.

my two year old cousin josie asks for a cup of tea all of the time and it's soooo cute. she gets a cup with a few drops of tea and then the rest is milk and she walks around with it saying "i have a cup of tea" or "may I have more tea please" in the cutest voice and she oh my she's cute.

i paranoid that the snow plow is going to run into my car cause my car is white.



I love my grammy but i kind of think she doesn't like me because she probably suspects that I live with my boyfriend, and that is not ok with her. Also I make jokes all the time about how i would vote for the green party and she looks at me with a horrified face because she thinks they're evil, and I say just joking, because if i didn't, then she would surely dislike me.



She has a cat named Bertha. Bertha is disgusting and she doesn't know how to clean herself or something, because her fur is always matted, and after you pet her, you want to wash your hands cause they just feel dirty. Bertha used to be a bitch and
hiss at everyone, but she's a bit nicer now. She's pretty funny. Grammy calls her a dirty pussy.. obviously not knowing how incredibly horrible it is to hear those words come out of a grandmothers mouth. It makes me laugh so much that I have to leave the room.



I have to go get blood taken today. mom thinks I have a thyroid disease. did i say this already? She went to the hairdresser a few weeks ago, and she told them that my hair is thinning in the front, and the hairdresser was like oh, i bet she has hyper or hypo thyroidism... cause she says that she has like three clients that have thin hair just in the front and they all have thyroid something. so then, she went to the doctor the other day and told him about it and he gave her a thing for me to go get my blood tested. so i'm going today. awesome. i think i posted that already.

if you google "t fucking" my blog is the second thing that comes up. Also, someone keeps googling E is for Ernest that chocked on a peach to get to my site. or is getting to my site from googling that.

PS. Top Ten Names I am sick of hearing

1. Bono
2. Paul Haggis
3. Coldplay
4. All of the Desprate Housewives
5. Tyra Banks
6. Nickleback and Our Lady Peace


Top Ten People I can't get enough of
1. Phillip Seymour Hoffman
2. Hugh Laurie
3. Lindsay Lohan
4. Me
5. the great canadian play list or whatever it is called

That's all for now.

On the crime stoppers commercial, they just said that the new brunswick police wanted to bring to the attention of the public the growing problem of human smugling. awesome.

Way to go Yanni.

Dope on a Rope/ Pink in the Sink

I am not interested in blogging lately. I feel like I don't have aynthing to say. I wrote a big post last night but I didn't like it at all so I didn't publish it. I didn't take that many pictures whilst away. A few... I'll post them if my internet doesn't stop sucking. I still hate my job, I am still a slob. My last sewing class was tonight. The teacher told me that if I need help I can go over to her house. I totally need the help but I htink I'll be too lazy to go to her house so it is just going to end up sucking. I am going to bed. I apologize for the suckiness of my blog these days.

Like a nerd on a tire

i am home now. i will post tonight as I am off to work now. I want to get fired or something.

The Bitching Tower

I solved my dilemma. I am going with my mom to antigonish. get to see my grandmaman. I'm so getting fired cause i keep not going to work.




hi mallory

Tea me up Spotty

This is a pet peeve of mine: When you make tea and it's all that will satisfy you, and you go to pour it and you realize you don't have any milk. It ruins my life. Lemon or honey... Just don't cut it. I need my tea with milk. Luckily I live next door to a store.



One of my favorite jokes is to say to people "way to ruin my life" except I really want to say it to my mom but I think she'd think I was serious, so I will refrain. Mom thinks I have a thyroid problem because my hair is thinning in the front. She went to her hairdresser and told her that I'm going bald and the hairdresser said she had some clients that had thinning hair, but just on top in the front and they all had thyroid problems. So when mom went to the doctor the other day, she told him about it and he gave her a paper so I could go get blood tests. She also is worried that I am diabetic. I think she is mostly worried that I am overweight and she doesn't want me to be. Way to ruin my life mom. Bah ha ha



oh my god did anyone ever hear the Love Cats cover by Jaime cullum and katie melua??? Oh my awesome.



So I have a dilemma. I am supposed to go to a stagette party tomorrow night and I am supposed to work tomorrow day. Mom wants me to go to nouvelle ecosse with her tonight or tomorrow morning for the weekend. I really want to go with her but I feel obligated to go to work and to the stagette party. I'll feel guilty not going but I will also feel guilty if I go. crapperoni. I don't know what to do. Also, she told me last night that she wanted to take my car, which I didn't know, so now it makes me feel more guilty if I don't go with her.



Tmac attack sent news that he's getting laid off the 15th or the 24th. Oh my god I hope it's sooner. Come home come home come home. He's been away for SIX MONTHS. Uncouth.



Yesterday, I read a book called Night by Elie Wiesel. It's a very short book, but a very good book. It is a true story about a young Jewish boy (the author) from Transylvania who's family, along with every other Jew, was taken to concentration camps. It was one of the more descriptive books I have read about that. He came three feet from a pit of burning babies and children and women, which is where his mother and baby sister were headed. I think the most horrible thing for me, other then when he described the pit of burning babies, was when people died that had been hanging on for so long. They had been tortured for how many years, beaten, starved, they'd gone crazy, and then, they lay down and die, when two days later, the rest of the group was liberated. And the people that lived and went on, after knowing that their whole family had been killed. They had nothing left. I don't understand how they went on after that. Anyway, I just felt it necessary to acknowledge it and everyone should read that book. Another one, on the same subject is We The Living by any Rand. I think I've talked about this before. That is one book that I have read probably 3 or 4 times, and I have cried harder each time. It is the most unbelievably sad book. My friend's mom bought her a book the other day, and she wrote on the inside "a book is your best friend, it will never let you down" awwwww



This is a long ass post with a bunch of mostly dumb pictures. I haven't taken any in the last week so these are old rejects. Except for the one of brandon holy crapper he's cute

Get to know your audience

Who reads my blog on a regular basis? I'm super curious and I want to know if you are a stranger that stumbled accross my blog one day and fell in love with me and my funny jokes or are you someone that I know? Tell me tell me tell me pleeeeaaaase!

The week of the teary eyed save team

I have cried every day for the lasts probably 5 or 6 days. the menses is a commin. there was a paragraph in one of the josephine bonaparte books about menstration and they called it the wierdest thing. I wish I could remember it and unfortunately, I can't find the book in my pigsty of an apartment.

I am eating veggie pizza today as it is ash wednesday so mom says i'm not allowed to eat meat. i went to the bakery where she works and got a pizza and asked for ham and she said "really? you're going to eat meat even though it's ash wednesday?........ not that you believe in that stuff anyway...." so i said no, i won't eat meat, just for her. I'm such a good daughter. although not a good christian. i'm not going to talk about my religious beliefs because i think it's boring right now.




i went shopping. i fucking hate shopping. if i go to regular stores, things are too small, and i go to fat store and things are too big. the girl was pushy and that makes it worse. when i came in, she pretty much attacked me and i told her right then that i hated shopping, so she kind of was like oh, well, then i'll pick out a million things to try on and how about 40 pairs of denim capris that all have way too much material in the ass but taper in to the middle of my calf? I just really dislike shopping and it makes it worse when the person that works there tries to make me try on soo many things. I told her i needed summer clothes and she's like here's the bathing suits and i said i didn't want one and she's like oohhhhhh coooome onnnn!! you neeeeed a bathing suit!!! i don't want to wear a bathing suit so don't push me to try one on OK. i know a girl that used to work there and she said that they are pressured to sell at least three items. I only bought one, which they should be fucking happy that i bought something because i could have walked out with nothing. i felt like she was angry with me. she's like well, you can get a tshirt and i was like uh no. and she's like oh well what about pjs? a house coat? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO i want these PANTS and THAT IS IT!!! I am not shopping there anymore. how's that bitch?



a million pictures of floyd

I have a calander of sketches by Edward Gorey. I love them. Todays is of a guy with a really flat head with his hand stuck out, ready to touch a hand that seems to be stretching down from the sky. Under the sketch, it says H is for Hand.

You know what's fucking good with pizza? Milk. Mmm mm mmm