Ouch, my life hurts

Know what is a funny joke? Telling someone something really mean like "you are a stupid fat cow bitch and you're the biggest loser I have ever seen and I hope you die" and then say "well... no offence."



Yesterday I felt really tired and unforgivably fat. god sometimes I think i'm super hot and other times i'm super not hot. yesterday i was super not hot. i came home an knitted and I am almost done my granny square blanket. Then I get to move on to my felt shape mobile. or one of my million other projects.

The Be Good Tanyas make me think of sad summer. I have certain albums I listen to when I'm sad- i suppose most people do. I used to listen to August and everything after by the counting crows but i lost that a bunch of years ago. i remmber telling one of my friends that if they notice i am listening to that album, then they will know that I am sad. way to be a lame-o teenager. I remember in like grade 8 or 9, i was sad about something and listen to this sarah maclauchlan song over and over and over like a million times and cried for 5 days, and then every time i heard it after that, i would cry. I can't even remember which song it was.



When people come over to my apartment, I feel super awkward. I feel like i'm supposed to be this wonderful hostess and it's way too much pressure so i get all panicky and show people all the crafts i ever made. my sister was here for the first time the other day, and mom was hear for the second time ever yesterday. wierd. my dad has never been inside any of my apartments. except the one i had in montreal because he moved all my stuff for me. i sometimes feel like he is not pround of me because i didn't go to university and i think he thinks i make a bunch of bad decisions.



I am going to go for a walk.