class me out the window

it's really too bad that ryan wasn't at trivia last night because i was just the right amount of drunk to let my secret super idea plan slip.... Regretably, I am sober now and will not reveal it.
I was the life of the party last night. I really was. I was the star. My favorite joke was to say something super loud and obnoxious and then say THAT WAS A JOKE HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA and I think maybe some of the people left because they couldn't handle all my jokes. their tummies were sore from laughing at my hilarity that they had to take a break from it and go home. The missed out on a lot of jokes.
Troy and I went to burger king today and this girl came in and was asking for a burger king logo because she is planning a wedding and the groom really likes burger king so they wanted to make some kind of burger king reference joke, to which i replied "Class me out the window" and then proceeded to laugh for 20-30 minutes.

je suis en amour avec moi

I am starting to work on a very important project. for now, I'm going to have to keep it secret so that no one steals my idea, but I'll give you a hint- It has something to do with my awesome ukelele.

Also, the white trashers from accross the street moved out.

also i'm going to see the lady in the water

this is my 100th post

i just watched 6 episodes of Train 48 and it was way better than I ever imagined it would be. I hope it's on every saturday night from 8 until 11.... i'm so there.

Jillsaphine Bonaparte

Fuck i had something to say and i can't remember.

we have a new bird house in out back yard and we have a giraffe bird feeder and i got a bag of old bread from my mom who works at a bakery, to throw in the yard and lots of birds are coming to visit.
that's not want i wanted to say.

i want to go to the movies but i don't have any money. waaaaaaa i'm being a sook. i'm bored. but i can't afford to do anything and also i don't want to do anything that requires anything i wish i could call a free entertainment hotline to get someone to show up at my door and entertain me or think of sommething fun for me to do that is free.

this is really funny:

my mom called last night and said "Hi, i'm just calling from you dad's calculator," which is not a strange thing for mom to say because she always says the wrong word for whatever she is talking about, which seems to be one of her favorite jokes. like for example, she'll say, "can you bring that part of the microwave up the stairs when you come" but she actually means that long part of the vaccum cleaner. so when she said calculator, i was like ok... dad's cell phone.... then she's like "NO! Really! I'm calling from dad's BLACKBERRY!!!!!" which made me laugh histerically because 1. mom is funny for calling his blackberry a calculator, and 2. why the hell does my dad have a blackberry? i've been laughing all day at that one.

Troy's laptop is constantly buzzing.

Ok the Black Eyed Peas are coming to PEI and I WAS super excited but then I found out that they are coming the same weekend I am supposed to go over to visit my grandmother and the rest of my family for this big family party. Why are the black eyed peas coming here? I'm sure that they would have more people at one of their normal concerts than we have on PEI. I am exaggerating. I feel like i spelled exaggerating wrong but it's not wrong, i looked it up.

I also wanted to mention one of my favorite jokes. when i meet people, I like to hold out my hand to shake hands and say, "Hi, my name is Jill. But my friends call me Pretty." hahahaha god that cracks me up.

i really want to get a blanket and go lay on the beach at night but i always forget about wanting to do that until it's a cloudy night and you can't see stars or in the middle of the day and i forget by the time the night rolls around.


i'm going to go find someting to do.

i can smell your b.o. and your fear

i have been dealt a lethal dose of depression.

maybe i woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

i wanted to lay on the floor all day. why do i want to lay on the floor when i'm depressed?

god i crack myself up

daisy dukes

saturday, we woke up at 5:45 am to go deep sea fishing in stanley bridge which is 20 minutes away and the boat left at 8am.... make sense? I didn't think so. troy has an OBSESSION with being early for everything. All we had to do was meet a bunch of people in one spot and leave there at 7:15 ish to give us lots of time to pay and everything. I told him I'd be mad if no one else was there (at the meeting spot) when we got there. Needless to say, no one was there. We waited for probably 35 minutes before the first person showed. Awesome. I love waking up early for no reason. so we went fishing and the boat was really rocky and i'm proud of myself for not getting sea sick. also i caught two of the 8 fish. and i also got a bit tanned, which is nice. then i think i went home and slept and then we went to charlottetown cause troy's band was playing. it was really awesome when i found a pubic hair in my water. seriously, though, that bar has gone totally down hill. puke all over the mens bathroom, food and other shit ALL over the floor, pubic hair in the water... come on guys. clean up your act. i was there, and so was my friend jill and so was james' girlfriend jill so there was a three-jill-overload. the last time that i was there, jill r came and james' girlfriend jill was there except jill r was 8 months pregnant and they gave her free gingerale because pregnant people shouldn't have to pay for pop? sunday, i seriously slept most of the day. i was so incredibly tired. i also cooked a chicken. and started reading a book called Ice Road and it is set in Russia. Melissa did you ever read We The Living? well both books are about women in russia in the 1930's and i cried a lot when i read we the living 8 times and i'm betting on this one being a cryer too. i really couldn't wait to blog about finding a pube in my water. i think maybe because ryan is going to say WHAT??? because i didn't tell you when we were there and you were also drinking water and i didn't warn you to look out for pubes.... sorry..... but in retrospect, isn't it funny? hahahaha you so don't think so.
so troy is snoring in the next room, and troy's dad is sleeping on the couch downstairs and he is also snoring. i'm going to have a good sleep i betcha... no escape.... i don't even have anything to say but i'm going to ramble while i wait for my pictures to load. i serisouly have a problem with my perception of myself. when i get dressed and look in the mirror, i think ok... not bad... everything looks ok.... BUT... someone takes a picture of me, and I really realize how GIGANTIC my breasts are. I seriously don't even realize it when I look in the mirror but woah. dude. they're enormous. i read in a magazine once that when women look in the mirror, they perceive themselves as way bigger than they really are, and men perceive themselves as way more fit and muscular than they really are. I know that I am overweight, and I know I have huge boobs, but I really honestly don't see in the mirror that they are THAT big like how they are in picturers.
I guess that's it...

why did only one person laugh at my joke?

my powerhouse is more powerful than your powerhouse

i did pilates three times and i'm fucking awesome cause i am seriously way strong than i was three pilates ago. i was doing pliates for dummies but i think i'm going to check out winsor pilates as soon as troy and his dad leave. troy's dad is home. he hasn't been here in 6 years and he surprised troy on saturday. he called and was like um... if you're not busy around 9:00, you should come down to your cousins house and give me a hug... awww cuuuuute.
also on the pilates video, she keeps talking about how your shoulders should be level and your hips should be level and to think of your hips and shoulders being the top and bottom of a box and keep your box tight keep it tight keep your box tight and i'm like WHOA if i was the editor of that video, it would say you CAN'T keep saying keep your box tight because that's DIRTY. haha me and amanda at work were talking about words that we don't say like cunt and twat and tit and we both got all embarassed and red-faced and giggled. we're pretty hip.
we also talk about pilates all day. we have tight boxes.

Internet popcicles

I went to the mother fuckin horse races the other night. who goes to the horse races? Apparently everyone who's anyone. k guys, this is summerside's most kept secret. who knew??? we didn't win anything. but as soon as we got there, the announcer says over the loud speaker in a sign-songy voice "Hey, someone with a white car... you've just been in an accident and you don't know it yet!!" and i'm like fuck... it's me. I totally thought it was me but i was like umm... whatever. so i kinda walked over to where i could kind of see my car and i didn't see anyone standing by it so was like uh... whateva, and troy comes running over and is like is it your car??? and i'm like nah... don't think so... so he went to investigate if someone ran into my car, which is pretty new and i went to watch the horse races. i should have been a little more concerned, i think. anyways, it wasn't my car, so i guess i won the no accident contest for the night. but not the pick the fastest horse contest.
I kind of wanted to talk about how i drank last weekend and made fun of people. god i think i am hilarious. we were at troy's cousins house and someone thought it would be a good idea to go to this party at this girls parents house, which, coincidentally, is accross from the RACE TRACK!!! this girl went to my high school but i never hung out with her (sarah birch for all you summersiders, aka melissa) except once i went to a party there before but whatever. so there was all these people from high school that i haven't seen in 6 years and i was like ok, so this is what you've been doing for six years.... one guy was sitting on a chair and his eyes were so read that when i glanced at him quickly, i kind of thought they were bleeding and there was another guy that is a totaly burn out and i work with his mother and every time he walked by i was like I WORK WITH YOUR MOOOOOMMMM!!! and he's like uh... do you have any papers? and i'm like no. then two minutes later i'm like I WORK WITH YOUR MOOOOOOMMMMM!!! and he's like uh... do you have any papers? and that went on for the full 8 minutes that we were there and then we decided that the bar would be funner. because maybe there were people there that didn't just inhale 8 litres of coke.

and possibly i like the thrill

i haven't taken pictures in a long time. i downloaded some pilates videos and i want to try them but troy's cousins are downstairs making a movie. i like kids but i seriously want to murder the ones that are outside right now. i had to shut my windows because they are screaming so loud and i can STILL hear them. also they always seem to be up super early and outside. honestly, i think that the mother is a bitch maybe and kicks them out really early and only lets them in at night. i live in white trash central, by the way. the other night, troy and i sat in the backyard to watch the fireworks - we could kinda see them over the trees... anyways... there were kids outside up the road and this man drove up to them and got out of the car and one kid ran away and the man was like GET THE FUCK BACK HERE and kept yelling other things but mostly yelled FUUUUUUUUUUUCK over and over. pretty awesome. and also the wooman who kicks her kids out supposedly got in a white trash battle the other day, says troy. these adults were walking by and they swore at eachother really loudly in front of all the white trash kids. it's pretty awesome.
also there is a crow that wakes me up every fucking morning at 6am. he's gonna fucking get it too.