Moon: Make me your slave

Troy's birthday today. I will bake a cake and make supper. I stayed up late and now troy is home from work and snoring so i can't sleep in. i wish spring break was more break-like. i have two papers to write. i unhappy today. i'll be better later if i sleep some more, maybe.
i went for lunch with girls yesterday. then we went to look at art in summerside. who knew it was such a difficult thing to do? The Lefurgy Center (the art/historical center of summerside) was closed. There was an exhibit at the archives center but it was one living-room sized room with crappy-ish art from nscad students and it made me pretty mad that i didn't get in to nscad when i applied however many years ago because i was better than that. i would maybe just be bored with art now though if i had gone there. cause i'm bored with photography. that didn't take long. i think if i had been a full-time photography as soon as i graduated i would maybe not be bored. i got kind of depressed because we went shopping and we were talking about how we used to dress all fun and colorfully but we're more boring in our clothing choices now. I think the more i get older the more i am not creative or not caring about expression. but it makes me depressed that i am not. so i guess i care about expression but am out of practice or something. ugh i'm getting old and fatter. then we went to dooly's and a guy showed up who was in a wheel chair and talking about all the things he does and was saying that we basically shouldn't be lazy ass holes because if he can do it without the use of his legs then we can too.
i really really love nursing and school and stuff but this semester is stupid because now i go to public health, which will be super boring and my nursing class is super boring. but i have two science classes (pharmacology and pathophysiology) that i really like and am surprisingly doing really well in. I'm scared that the rest of the nursing classes are going to be boring. I mostly just want to hang out in the hospital more, and not so much in public health offices that are cold and concrete basements. also i am pretty disappointed in myself when i don't do well. or even when i know i did well but that i could have done better. seriously, i got 96% on an exam and was really mad that i didn't get 100%. And I got 76% on a paper and was so unbelievably angry.

I'm really not this cranky and depressed every day. I am mostly just tired and maybe it's time for aunt flow to visit. god that's gross sounding.
aunt flow
period
THAT time of the month
ragging
i can't think of other terms right now but seriously, with terms like that, it doesn't make a woman feel very womanly. it mostly makes women feel gross and doomed. "THAT TIME OF THE MONTH" sounds like "THE END OF THE WORLD FOR A FEW DAYS" to me. and what the fuck is a PERIOD. end of the sentence. end of the world? see?
we also talked about how periods change kind of according to the moon, or birth control pills or the presence of another woman (possible the alpha female?) and that kind of made me depressed too because i am not on schedule with the moon, and I am not on birth control pills, and i am just in a class with a bunch of girls who are maybe more alpha than i am so i was thinking that my female parts are at the mercy of a bunch of girls that i mostly don't even know/like. And i am wondering who is the alpha girl and maybe we should all attack her like a bunch of wolves and fight till the finish and i will dominate and be the leader of ovulation. I remember reading a book a long time ago that was about a woman who lived in the woods with no one else and she got her period on the full moon of every month, and that sounded really romantic to me. at the time, i just so happened to not really have any friends or a boyfriend so i mostly went to work and went home and i started noticing that my period became more schedule with the moon (seriously i'm not lying) and it made me feel womanly and like strong and powerful or something. but then i started hanging out with some other girls at work and my period changed. It kind of makes me feel weak or something. Except they were maybe on birth control pills so they can't change so i have to? I really don't like that feeling. I would much rather be ruled by the moon than some fuckin girls that sit behind me and whisper-gossip to each other through class.

I am a delicate flower.