Hearts are for Holding

Today was a good day. It was eventful. I went to get a coffee with crystal. we went to participark so she could smoke. We sat on the swings and it sucks when you grow up and get a fat ass and swings are no longer comfortable. We went and got Brandon then went for breakfast with Ryan.



Then I got a car wash with an undercoat. Crystal says it's a good idea to get a car wash once a week and undercoat in the winter. She's smart.




Then I went to my friend Jenifer's house. She has 8 acres of land and it's full of trees but there's paths running through all of it. Her and I and her dogs went for a walk. I got some fun pictures of the dogs. We looked at pictures and drank really good coffee. Then got excited about going to the fabric store. So excited, in fact, that I got embarassed about being so excited. Unfortunately, the fabric store was closed when we got there so we went for a little drive.




I went to my parents house for supper. One of my brothers is home for spring break. he wasn't very excited to see me. He never is.

Then I went to my boyfriend's cousins semi-stagette party. Everyone but me dressed up in the ugliest brides maid dress they could find and said "oh, yoooooou didn't dress up..... how come?" Cause no one informed me that it was a halloween party. But it was fun anyway. I left early to go to charlottetown with crystal, but she thought she was having an aneurism so she decided to go to bed instead. She figured out that Tylenol Migrain contains a large dose of caffeine so the two pills made her feel wierd. I rented movies and came home to nifty knit. I made a hat. i like it.

Jill made me a hat. I went to charlottetown last night to visit her and she gave me a hat for my birthday. I took some awesome pics of myself in it.





I am happy that I take m camera with me all of the time now. I am feeling very inspired and I enjoy it again. I hope that I make some sort of career out of it someday. Jen says the average person makes three career changes in their lifetime. I am ready for a career. I am done with the call center stuff. It really makes me hate my life and makes me feel unneccessarily busy and useless. So what is you life all about? Who, me? Well, I convince people to keep their cell phones even though they really don't want them. Is it gratifying? Well.... no. Not really. Do you feel good about yourself? Not exactly. Do you feel as though you are working towards anything? No. Do you live paycheque to paycheque? Yes. Are you happy with that? No. That was me being interviewed by the job police. whatever, that was wierd.



I don't like it when people that I know don't acknowledge me. I think maybe I remember people that I randomly see and I think that because I remember them, they should remember me. But really, why should they, because I don't talk or anything. For example, I went to a party a year or so ago. There as a guy that was there that sells computers. I had actually met him before. I think he gave me, Jill and Melissa an apple in exchange for some rum at a music festival. Anyway, a week after this party, I call him to tell him that I want to buy a computer from him. I tell him that I met him at that party. He totally didn't remember me. It's really my own fault that people don't really notice me because I don't really talk in groups of people. As soon as I am in a group of people that I don't really know, I totally clam up and only the wierdos in wheelchairs talk to me. At the same party, this guy wheeled up to me and he had this right intense look on his face. I think he must have been on crack. He rolled up and was like 'Hey. Do you think it's wierd that I am talking to you? Do you think it's wierd that I picked you out of all of the group to talk to?" I was like uh... no? and then he said i have the most amazing eyes bla bla bla and started talking about how no on is really wierd because everyone is different and BLA BLA BLA and are you embarassed that I am talking to you and staring intently into your eyes andk ind of freaking you out????? I'm like uh... no? but secretly (or not so secretly cause it's written all over my face) I'm like oh my god where is my boyfriend, come and rescue me from this freak. Anyways. So, last night, I saw all these people that actually do know me and they just either didn't see me or ignored me when i yanked on their shirt. I hate that I have this really quiet voice that no one can hear so if i want to be heard i have to talk really loud, and when i think i'm talking loud, people still don't hear me, or they don't listen. There are these hippie girls that I feel really intimidated by. Once I ended up at one of their houses after some gig somewhere. Everyone got to talking about albums that their parents upsed to play when they were young. They were saying their favorite christmas albums. I hadn't said anything the whole time, and I finally spoke up and said 'my favorite christmas album was kenny rogers and dolly parton when i was a kid' and seriously, the all stopped talking and looked at me with this look of like ugh... how dare you speak, you don't smell like patchouli and buy all your clothes at frenchy's. I get interupted a lot. People apologize and ask to hear the rest of what I was saying, but then they interrupt again. And I feel like a baby if I get upset over it. I sometimes have feelings of incredible uselessness and worthlessness. Today was a really good day and now I'm sitting in my apartment bawling my eyes out because of how I felt at some dumb party over a year ago. My blog has become very emotional these days.



My sister forgot my birthday and I had to drop hints and she only got it when i said 'DOES FEB 23 RING ANY BELLS" and she's like oh... right. It really hurt my feelings. I'm am the biggest baby right now.